we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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