Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
