the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
