just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
