I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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