Sponge bath it is.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
