He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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