i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
