You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to have your abortion
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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