If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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