I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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