you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
