LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
