At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
