So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
