Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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