remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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