You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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