i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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