I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
