It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
