I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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