I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
that is very illegal...i love you.
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