sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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