I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
