Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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