please come you make the beer taste better
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
