I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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