Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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