The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
