I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
