He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
