I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
