he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
