There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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