I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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