He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
