i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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