How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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