She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
