I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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