ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
