I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
