all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
