But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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