TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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