He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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