its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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