i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
