Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
