Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
