you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
