I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
