I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
