you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
