Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
