I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
