I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize