kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
