It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
