I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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