I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize