Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
