A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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