I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
