She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
