whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
