from now on my penis is your penis
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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