shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
