Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you had me at cake vodka
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
