I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry my hands just texted you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
