Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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