Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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