just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
