Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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