oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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