Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You are a genius and a whore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
