Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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