When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
