its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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